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Saturday, July 19, 2008

Co-wifeys

Like many other women, I can never imagine my husband with another wife. That's not to say that I don't accept it as a part of Islam. This I know, and will never deny, and I will always support polygyny because of the hikmah in it. And even if I did not see hikmah in it, it is a part of Islam, it is a law made by my Lord, and he is the All-Knowing. Hubbybi jokes sometimes and says he'll never take a second wife because he can't even split his time equally between me and the computer LOL.

Recently, polygyny has been a hot case within the media, and it's a wonder it isn't circling Islam for once haha. So many people are in a uproar, are disgusted by this practice. Now there are several documentaries inside the lives of co-wives. I can't speak for them, but from all I've watched, the majority of them are pleased with their lifestyle and enjoy the company of women who they get along with perfectly. They love that they have an extra hand around the house. They enjoy that they can relax a few nights as the other one is cooking or tending to other chores. They find it humorous that they can discuss their husband's odd ways with another woman yet without exposing him. They love being around their co-wives kids and having a big family. So why are others speaking for them and saying they are unhappy and mistreated? For sure there are definitely cases of polygyny where women are forced into it, are neglected, hate their co-wives, aren't cared for, and are straight up unhappy. But aren't single marriages the same? Single marriage all have these issues as well. Even relationships outside of marriage suffer from these ailments.

Now what really bothers me is the backwardness in a lot of people who reject polygyny. They screw up their faces at a man who takes two wives, he's a womenizer, a beast, a pig. However, if a man is marries and has an affair, it's okay, it's looked at as difficult for him to control his urges. She should forgive him and not leave him. "Everyone is tempted at some point or another" So this makes it okay? Why not have your husband married to a woman and know that he is with her, permissibly fulfilling his desires rather than creeping around your back with the secretary or some other nobody? Or flirting with other women who cross his path? Having mistresses? Who would prefer that? To add in, it irritates me so much that people view polygyny as 'fun' for the husband. What's so0o0o much fun about dealing with two women, meeting all their financial needs, possibly dealing with jealousy and bickering between the two, having to hear both of them nag, having to care for kids by both of them... it's double the work. One extra night with a woman really isn't worth all that headache I'm sure...

And now look at this... I was flipping though channels the other day and saw that there's a reality show featuring Hugh Hefner (founder of Playboy magazine) and his 3 girlfriends. (Seems as though there was once a time when he had 7 at one time) Hmm... it's okay? - even to the point that there's a popular TV show, for a man in his 80's to have 3 girlfriends? Not to mention that he was in his 70's when he took an 18 year old as his 3rd girlfriend. I believe that eldest of his girlfriends is pushing 30 or just hit it. So for him to have 3 girlfriends is okay? Accepted? BUT, if he were to marry them, which is a more acceptable way to be in a relationship with a woman, then he would be committing a crime and being a lewd man? How incredibly, stupidly twisted is that? And if a Muslim man marries a woman maximum 10 years younger than her, he is robbing the cradle. It just makes no sense at all. It's really disgusting how backwards society has become.
I don't even want to watch these specials on co-wives and polygyny because it really is twisted and makes no sense. I really don't know what to say... other than I hope Muslims can stop feeling ashamed of this aspect of Islam and realize there's nothing to be ashamed about. Look at how non Muslims are living their lives, look at what they accept as moral and immoral and look at how senseless their beliefs are. (Okay, duh, not all of them are like this haha) Buttt, yaknowww!!

10 comments:

Aalia said...

Hey I totally agree wit u all the way on this :-D

Habayeb said...

agree agree agree.

UmmAbdullah said...

Salaam. Masha'Allah brilliantly written.

Totally agree with you. Alhamdulillah that we're able to see the hikmah in poygamy.

Umm Rijaal said...

alhumdullilah, you have truly spoken the haqq. May Allah reward you, AAMEEN!

khaki said...

it seems hard to accept at first, but the minute you look closely, there's no way you can deny the hikmah of polygamy. I heard zakir Naik's lecture on that, pretty good.

O by the way, i love ur blog address. food on my niqaab! lol! I am always wondering that too!

American Muslima Writer said...

Amin Amin Amin.
It IS crazy the backwards thinking some poeple have in reguards to poly and "a squeeze on the side". good post and well writ.

Yasmin said...

Assalaam alaikum. This is the first time reading your blog and I absolutely love it. I completely agree with you. I was almost in a situatuion where my husband was about to take a second wife. Yea I was upset and a bit angry but had to remember love for your brother/sister what you love for yourself. It didn't happen but thats another story.
I look forward to all your posts.

Maryam said...

Salam, I wear niqaab too, I am only 18 and I will get married soon just like you umma yusuf :-). I just want to leave comment about polygamy-I don't agree. I know that Allah aproveing polygamy, I can not say to my future husband"you can't do it" because Allah says you can do it, but even Allah says so it doesn't mean you have to do it. Especialy because I am in Europe-Bosnia, it's not so good to do it-polygamy...immediatelly people call you "wahabi"...or "you are crazy"...or else..! My future husband won't marry more wifes!!:-)) well I hope so, we had arreed like that :-). I would like to be in contact with many sisters...this is my mail...merjem_islam_ddin@hotmail.com. This is lil'bit about me. my name is maryam and I live in bosnia. I wear niqaab and I am 18. I study languages(french, latin, english, german, and spanish) and I memorize Qur'aan(hifdh. And just to say to all sisters with who wear niqaab-STAY STILL!!!:-))

Candice said...

I definitely think that it's stupid to think that it's better for a man (like your example of Hugh Hefner) having 3 girlfriends instead of a man being married to 2 wives, but the way I see it, he has his supporters and polygyny has its supporters as well. And most people wouldn't agree with either... I think somewhere, both practices are generally not accepted...
But I do understand the pros of polygyny... I just wouldn't want it in my relationship :)

erin said...

... anyways, here is a really interesting and positive article about polygynous muslim families:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90886407

also, a youtubing sister made a post about her feelings about polygyny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APDuD1JxCdg