13-Year Old Father: Update

So now three other boys have come forward claiming that they may be the father of Chantelle's baby, Maisie. I did not see that one coming, I didn't think this story could get more bizarre than it already was.

In the car this morning on the way to the masjid I heard at least 8 boys can possibly be the father. Alfie has agreed to take a DNA test and is very offended with boys claiming they were 'active' with his girlfriend of two years. She claims Alfie was her first and only, that statement will be quite interesting if the DNA test is done and the baby is not his. I don't think boys would come forth publicly about something like this and really be lying... that would just be stupid.

I was reading some articles about their families.. subhanAllah... they have so many issues. Stability in a home is key to a child's outcome, this story is yet more proof of that.

13-Year Old Father

Yes, you've read correctly. This week in Britain, 13-year old Alfie became a father. His girlfriend, Chantelle, is 15.

This is just insane, and totally grossed me out. Then again it's truly not unexpected in the society we lived in today, glorifying promiscuity and bombarding kids with sexual images and ideas in everything - movies, music, tv shows, magazines, books...

They all look like they're siblings! The kid is totally clueless. "What's financially...??" Ughh! I didn't even think it was possible for kids that age to be fathers..! And imagine by the time he's at the age to be college bound, his kid will already be in kindergarten!

Clearly sex education in schools is doing nothing, and parents are taking the 'birds and bees talk' as a joke or as something unnecessary. Who's to blame? The school system? His parents? Her parents? Are they rebellious kids? Are they the only ones at fault? Of course they'll be terribly criticized but surely there are thousands of people out there who did this and 'lucked out', among those are couples who opted to have the pregnancy terminated as well. Otherwise who knows how many child parents would be in the spotlight like these two kids.

Here is an article covering the story, and a more detailed one here.

The Devil Prays

For years I've been hearing this rubbish and it still makes me giggle when I hear it for the 500th+ time.

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the prayer mat (janamaz for my Urdu peeps, Sajadah for my Arab folk). I was in elementary school when a Pakistani friend came over. for a play-date. My family wasn't really practicing then, and me being young myself, I never really made all my prayers... however, Maghrib was the 1 prayer that was always prayed in jama'ah in my home. My father lead us in salah and after he completed the fard he left for his bedroom to make his sunnah, so did my mother. My friend and I sat there discussing... I dunno.. probably Barbies or something haha.

Her eyes glanced over to the prayer rug my dad had prayed on... my mothers... and then mine... and her eyes bulged out and she let out a huge gasp. She ran over the folded over the top right orner of the 3 mats. She sat back down next to me and that's when I realized hers had been folded back the whole time we were talking.

I scrunched my eyebrows and she said, "OMG, don't you guys know when you don't fold the janemaz Shaytaan prays on it!!!! If you're not gonna put it away then you have to fold it! DUHHH!"

I was shocked, ashamed... how could I not know this? After that for years I'd remember to fold the mat over if I didn't put it back in the closet.

This wasn't the only situation I've heard 'shaytaan praying' applied to.

At the masjid during evening classes, for some reason some little boys were praying on the girls side (they're supposed to pray on the mens side, even though they're little kids).

After salah the following conversation took place between the mini Pakis, I shall translate:

"Where's your topi (kufi)?!"

*feels head* "Oh nooo... I left it in the gari (car)!"

"Stupid!!" "OMG, I'm gonna get gunnah (sinned) and when hafiz sahib (respectable term for HAFIDH, who in this case is also their teacher) comes I'm gonna get in trouble.."

"Yeah cuz you didn't make namaz with your topi so the whole Maghrib shaytaan was making namaz on your head!"

It was when I heard this I realized... ISN'T THAT A GOOD THING? Shaytaan praying... isn't that what we've wanted for so many centuries? haha. Ahh.. and another time something similar is mentioned is when the Qur'an is left open without being read... some say then the shaytaan comes and reads the Qur'an!!

Now this is something I only hear among Desis (Pakistanis, Indians & Bangladeshis). So far I've only heard those two specific scenarios for him making salah: when the prayer mat is left unfolded (even a small part of the corner) and when a boy prays with his head uncovered.

Now I'm assuming they mean shaytaan comes and makes a mockery of salah, not actually following the Imam and suddenly playing the good guy for a little. I don't know who came up with this and how.

The only reason I can think of this nonsense being used it just for respect I guess. Maybe some people feel since a person lays down their prayer mat to offer salah, it shouldn't be left open for someone to just walk by without caring and stepping on it, or for kids to come by and run around and play on it. However, people walk all over the musalla when their in the masjid, so I don't see how a separate mat is any different. Some people also put these rugs on their walls as decoration. Then what, shaytaan prays on the wall? I went to someones house and even though they did have it up on the wall, the right corner was stitched down lol. When it comes to boys wearing their kufis I guess it's a way of scaring small students into covering their head..?

Desi culture intrigues me... mainly the bizarre unnarrated ahadeeth people come up with which seems to be hammered into the minds of just about every young Desi child. Despite not being able to provide a source for their quotes (other than their parents and grandparents and so on told them), they cling onto these sayings tightly.

I'm sure for people unfamiliar with these weird sayings within Desi culture, it sounds straight up bonkers/hilarious to hear something like this.

The only related issue which is true when it comes to shaytaan within the ranks of salah is when the gaps are not filled during jama'ah the jinns pass through them. What do they do? I don't know... mock us? File their nails? Jumping jacks? Allah knows best!

Anyway, the next time you hear someone tell a kid shaytaan will pray on their uncovered head or shaytaan will pray on their prayer mat... please break the truth to them gently..

Valentine's Day & Romance

So I'm trying to think of something nice to do on Valentines Day. I have no idea what to get for my husband or what we should really do. I want to make this year memorable. I wonder what he has planned for me? Hmm...

...Ok you guys know I'm kidding right? Me? Valentines Day? Pshhht! Puh-leeeease!!!

Aside from being un-Islamic... it's just totally LAME. I know some people get upset with me when I say this, but it really is. It's already known that it's such a commercial holiday. It really disappoints me that some sisters fall into this Valentine's Day trap. They're so flattered when their husbands show up with roses, teddy bears, and candy. They're over the moon if they wake up to breakfast in bed or a have nice evening out.

Don't get me wrong, these are all lovely things... but when it's happening on Valentines Day, it completely lacks originality! What's so incredible about your husband doing the same thing millions of other men are doing on the same exact day? There's nothing special in it at all. What's worse is that some brothers only do this on Valentines Day, birthdays, and anniversaries. How cliche. Then there are those sisters who turn sour when their husbands do nothing for them on V-Day.

Islam promotes romance in marriage, even through the smallest acts subhanAllah. Something as simple as eating food can be turned into a sweet and special moment between husband and wife as shown through the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad salAllahu alayhi wasallam. This should mean that we should frequently do sweet things for our loved one.

Wouldn't you prefer a dinner out, roses, a special gift - anything - on any random day? That's so much sweeter than getting something on an expected day because everyone else is. Spontaneity is the key to romance. I find it strange that there needs to be a certain day dedicated to love, or to celebrating a person's life, or doing something good for one's parents.

wAllahi there isn't a single day where my husband doesn't do something totally selfless or tries to do something nice for me, though I can't say the same for myself to him. And I pray that inshaAllah he doesn't stop one day =) It's these numerous, small moments that keeps marriages strong.

We don't need to 'follow' the non-Muslims and think that going along with their holiday and definition of romance will keep us happy or flatter our spouse. Our beloved Prophet (SAW) has left many examples within the sunnah of how we should treat each other and what we can do to win each others hearts. Flowers and gifts are nice, but alhamdulillah, he's reminded us of specific things that we can do everyday to leave an imprint in our spouses hearts, and let's not forget those.

He's reminded the woman that though she should guard her modesty outside of the home, to beautify herself inside the house. I know it's hard sometimes, we get comfortable looking frumpy. How many times do we pick our best outfits when we go to sisters only parties/events? We wear our nicest jewelry and clothes, we put on some makeup and we don't take the time to preen ourselves at home... for the men who go out to work and lower their gaze all day long, only to come home to a woman in her oversized, stained t-shirt, hair a mess, nasty eye crust, and stankin' breath! haha Of course we aren't expected to like supermodels 24/7, but I think we can all agree we could put some more effort into looking better at home.

Brother's aren't an exception. So many sisters tell me prior to marriage their husbands used to be very athletic and at the gym all the time, and then post-nikaah, it all ends and he bears his long, hidden pot belly. Brothers comb and perfume their beards when they're out, but when they're home there's lint and crumbs scattered in their beards haha.

Men helping around the house, doing things for themselves sometimes is even a treat to women. The Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam was known to mend his own clothing. Helping with meals here and there or cleaning up speaks volumes to a woman, more so than a bouquet or unoriginal Hallmark card.

I have a friend who's been married for a couple months, and once a week her husband brings home a beautiful flower for her... each time it's a new flower. She presses them in a book to keep them, isn't that adorable? He doesn't wait for just a 'special' event to come up, being married to a loving wife is special enough.

I can't even remember the last time I made breakfast for my husband, alhamdulillah he takes care of that himself. I'd take this over a dozen roses any day. Even though it may go unmentioned a d it's not something I can wear on my finger/wrist and show to my friends, it's a load off of me and I really am thankful that he's not the type to lounge around in his recliner, scratching his belly and bark breakfast orders - not that men who don't make their meals all do that =)

So before you go back into the old routine, or even start a new one, of making plans for V-Day, how about thinking of something special you can do with your loved one weekly... or monthly even. Get gifts for one another when you least expect it. Surprise your husband with his favorite meal out of the blue... be original. Think of something special between the two of you and make it more meaningful than some lousy V-Day plans. We don't need these foolish holidays to give gifts or be sweet! Aishah radiAllahu anha used to wash our beloved Prophet's hair when he was in 'itikaaf, and she would comb his hair... how many of us do that for one another?

Let's not be like the non-Muslim couples to toss their spouses to the backseat year-round and when a 'holiday' or 'anniversary' comes up we make a big deal about it. Let's learn to forgive each other and show our love by whatever means we can each and every day.

Candies will be eaten and flowers will wilt - maybe we will remember them, maybe we won't - but sweet moments spent together are memories that last a lifetime inshaAllah

Death to Deodorant

I was reading my buddy's entry over at The Healthy Muslimah about deodorant. It's pretty interesting. It makes me wanna stop using the stuff and opt for a mineral stone- except for the fact that I just stocked up on deodorant because they were on a great sale haha. A matter of fact... my son's here in the living room tossing around 4 deodorant sticks... *fun*

She mentions a mineral deodorant stick sold at iHerb.com. The Islamic shops I frequent in Brooklyn also sell these, I never tried them before though. They're just $0.50 more than iHerb, but if you choose to get them you'll be supporting a Muslim business.

On top of that the Madina Industrial Company has a wide range of vegetable based products for Muslims - including other halal deodorants, bar soaps, shampoos, hand soaps, hundreds of alcohol free perfumes (for men and women), body lotions, lip balm, all natural shea butter, dead sea salt, neem toothpaste, hair serums, facial scrubs and a few other items. So check them out!

Here's the sisters entry in case you're too lazy to just click the link above =p

Be sure to subscribe to her for updates - she has some really interesting info mashaAllah!



The main gist of deodorants:

• Most, if not, all deodorants have aluminium in them; this greatly increases your risk of Alzheimer's disease.

• When you put deodorant on your underarms you're really just plugging the pores. All the waste that your body excretes through sweat is basically being pushed back into your body because your pores are being blocked by disgusting chemicals in deodorants. You don't want to do this. You want to allow your body to excrete it's waste. Sweating isn't a bad thing; it's natural!

• The nasty stuff that gets on your shirts as a result of sweating with deodorant on, is because of your deodorant. The chemicals mix with your sweat and produce that disgusting color.
  

An alternative to deodorants: deodorant stones. They are made of mineral salts, which kill the bacteria from the sweat. Thus, eliminating the odor when one sweats. The salt basically deprives the bacteria of it's fluids and eventually the bacteria die.

I suggest buying the one I linked to because it's cheaper than the larger one. Regardless of it's size, it will definitely last you a long time, inshaAllah.

Using it is pretty simple:

1. Wet the top of the stone.
   
2. Apply to underarms (it can be applied to feet, as well, to prevent bad odor during excessive exercise or on a regular basis).
   
3. Wash off the top of the stone again so that there is no bacteria left and the salt is not doing unnecessary work.

Musulmanes Colombianos!

Alhamdulillah a few months ago some friends and I were able to collect some money to help a new community down in Pereira Colombia (South America). I'd come to learn of this community after watching a video the brother (Dawood) recorded on his laptop of his reversion story. The video is here:

Alhamdulillah since then there have been more than 100 in their community, and communities they've visited to give da'wah to, who've become Muslim! Allahu akbar! With the money I was able to send them dozens of books, kufis, hijabs, da'wah pamphlets and some dates. SubhanAllah down there they don't get dates and it was like an enchanting tale whenever they heard stories about dates or read about them in ahadeeth. I was taken aback when brother Dawood emailed me saying they got the package and that some of the brothers actually were in tears seeing and tasting dates for the first time! SubhanAllah how we take things for granted.

Ever since, brother Dawood would send emails on and off updating myself and others who've sent items down to Pereira about the communitys advancements and needs, sending pictures as well.

This picture really touched me, well not so much the picture but the story behind it.

Above is brother Ibraheem and his son Isma'il. Please ignore the brother in the background who's just kickin' it in the masjid resting haha.

Brother Dawood said that the elder brother took his shahadah after visiting the masjid and listening to the khutbah. SubhanAllah it just so happened that the khutbah was about Prophet Ibraheem alayhis salaam. Upon hearing of the Prophets story he told Dawood that he wanted to take his shahadah. Why? He said he too had a story similar to the prophets'. He is almost 80 and was blessed with his son Ismail just 6 years prior, after years of trying to have one subhanAllah!! With that of course, he took the name Ibraheem and gave his son the name Isma'il mashaAllah.

This was so touching to me. It reminded me of the time of the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam when enemies would see a single act of a Muslim or hear just an ayah and not question anything and accept the truth into their hearts and take their shahadah right away.

This community holds a special place in my heart. Maybe it's because despite being dead broke, in the middle of coffee feilds, surrounded by people who don't have a clue of what Islam is... these people are walking around in their hijabs, thobes, and beards, handing out da'wah pamphlets like it's a party invitation mashaAllah.

May Allah allow Islam to flourish in Pereira and every corner of the world, ameen!

A naseeha no no

I teach 4th grade at the local masjid's Sunday school alhamdulillah. I recently got permission by the administration to sell my halal Skittles and candies there during the kids recess and snack time.

After Dhuhr salah when I put my huge bag of Skittles down to put my boots on a sister in her early 30's comes up to me.

"Sister, I'd think by the way you dress - " *points to my niqaab* " - that you'd know Skittles are haram!! How can you bring those into a Masjid?"

"These are halal Skittles... what does my clothing have to do with candy... " *fake giggle*

"I mean, you dress super religious so from that you should know these things. But Skittles are haram you should check the ingredients, there's pig in them. You know here in the US we have to be very careful of what we eat, there's all types of things in these foods.."

"Yeah, you're right.." I tell her thinking if she only knew I had a blog dedicated to halal and haram products! haha. "These are halal though, they're gelatin-free," I told her.

"No they don't make them halal!!!!! They all have PORK! You know, PIG! You're not listening!!"

No! YOU'RE not listening! I was getting irritated... mainly because she was getting loud with me and in front of other people, and her own kid! "Actually, the ones made for the US contains BEEF gelatin, not pork. These are made specifically for the Middle East, they don't even have at least halal gelatin in them, they are gelatin free... they use vegetable substitutes."

She looked at me confused, "No I don't think so!"

"... And in the UK their Skittles used to be halal as well, they were Vegan-friendly until they started using E120 in them, a coloring taken from insects..."

She stared at me blankly. "Oh.. well.."

I went into the bag and handed her a pack, "See, read the ingredients..."

She read them and nodded and handed the pack back to me, "Hmm.. well... I'll have to look into that... something's not right."

?!?!?!?!?! Why do people have to ALWAYS be right even when the proof is right in their face! She looked at me as if I created the wrapper myself and filled haram Skittles inside! haha. Why can't people just admit when their wrong?

I just hate when people look at niqaabis or any other Muslimahs and based off the way she dresses assumes the sister is, or at least thinks she is, a perfect Muslim or know it all. Not only that, but they jump at them when they think they see something wrong. It's sad when people get all nasty and think they're so smart and try to make someone look bad in front of others. This isn't Islamic at all.

Allah knows best her intentions, but if she really wanted to give me 'naseeha' regarding the Skittles she wouldn't have told me in such a demeaning manner in front of so many people and kids. Not only that, she wouldn't have been rude when I tried to explain myself either, cutting me off and not listening.

Some people like to right wrongs just to show they're right. Please think twice when you think you see something wrong and try to give someone advice. Be sure to be gentle with them and pull them aside. Don't be harsh and ridicule them in front of others. First investigate the situation before assuming the worst of the person. It doesn't matter how a person is dressed, everyone still has learning to do and everyone is in need of help once in a while.

I don't know the source of this story, if it is true or not, but indeed it holds a good lesson inshaAllah and I just thought of it as I was explaining how we should give naseeha... here's the jist of it...

Once the grandsons of our beloved Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam, Hasan and Hussain, radiAllahu anhuma, saw an elderly man making wudu. After watching him they realized that he was making wudu incorrectly.

The two brothers wanted to correct the man, but didn't know how. He was older and they didn't want to offend him, being so young and correcting him. They came up with an idea of how to teach the man proper wudu without being direct.

They went over to him and told him they were in a disagreement over who performed wudu the best and they wanted him to be the judge.

The bedoin watched the two kids perform wudu, and in watching, he himself came to learn his mistake(s). He thanked them and told them that he did not know the proper way to make wudu until the two of them had come over and showed him, subhanAllah.

MashaAllah this is the way to give naseeha. It is not an easy thing to do. As open as we should be to constructive criticism, it is only understandable that a person may take offense to being corrected if it's not done in a gentle manner.

Just imagine how I would have felt if I did have haram Skittles? It already upset me the way she spoke to me even though I wasn't doing anything wrong. I would maybe even be mad and probably close my heart to her naseeha anyway. That of course wouldn't be the right thing to do, but as humans these are tendencies we do unfortunately have.