Saturday, February 14, 2009

13-Year Old Father

Yes, you've read correctly. This week in Britain, 13-year old Alfie became a father. His girlfriend, Chantelle, is 15.

This is just insane, and totally grossed me out. Then again it's truly not unexpected in the society we lived in today, glorifying promiscuity and bombarding kids with sexual images and ideas in everything - movies, music, tv shows, magazines, books...

They all look like they're siblings! The kid is totally clueless. "What's financially...??" Ughh! I didn't even think it was possible for kids that age to be fathers..! And imagine by the time he's at the age to be college bound, his kid will already be in kindergarten!

Clearly sex education in schools is doing nothing, and parents are taking the 'birds and bees talk' as a joke or as something unnecessary. Who's to blame? The school system? His parents? Her parents? Are they rebellious kids? Are they the only ones at fault? Of course they'll be terribly criticized but surely there are thousands of people out there who did this and 'lucked out', among those are couples who opted to have the pregnancy terminated as well. Otherwise who knows how many child parents would be in the spotlight like these two kids.

Here is an article covering the story, and a more detailed one here.


Lisa said...

What is th world coming to! I have to wonder where the parents are on this one. Sadly, the cycle will likely continue into the next generation. I truly believe that babies in the womb know what their mothers know, and feed off of it. A child born to a 13 year old mother has no chance the way a child born to a 25 year old does (my age when I had my only son). How pitiful!

Anonymous said...

i wana barf, he looks like my little 8 year old brother!!! the parents do play a part but kids are deceiving these days. they could easily say theyre going to someones house and do god knows what. very pathetic, at least they didn't abort it though

Adventurous Ammena said...

i saw this on the front page on a newspaper in asda the other day... when i was 15 we werent thinkin about this but I know it would be a harassing opportunity for even lookin at a 13 year old boy subhanallah... they look so small and helpless

Noshi said...

My friend showed this to me last night. I'm just so confused. First of all, how the heck did she even find this boy appealing? I mean for God's sake, he looks like her younger brother! He looks like he's 6! SubhanAllah. Not to mention he's completely clueless, and so is she. I watched her holding the baby...she doesn't even know how to hold a new-born baby!

American Muslima Writer said...

I fault first the kids for being so dumb to do it without protection, second the paretns for not teachign them better and thrid the society for forcing kids into situations of pre-marital sex.

Let me give ya'll a heads up about my days at 13. There were kids left and right doing IT. Usually the more popular. It's all about experimentation. Those boys get the urges and what do they do find some chick to sway the minds of and bam thre you are lil mommies and daddies.
i agree these kids have no clue about what life will really be like but try and remeber back to your wee days when 13 was sooo far from 15 and 15 was sooo far from 20.
Actaully in Lebanon many young girls drop schooling and get married at 15 but they are far more mature family wise and ready to settle down to married life. Girls in western countries I fear are far from maturity to handle this kind of life. They didn't even make plans to get married!!! ARG!
i don't really care if they THINK they are ready at this age and go and do the proper thing and get married and then have their children but when they don't even have a plan and it was all accidental then I'm like WHATEVER. They are the ones that have to deal with this not me.

Thanks for posting this girl it cernaitnly made me think about just how far 13 to 24 is.....

Habibti said...

no way im so grossed right now this is disgusting this kid looks like 5 years old

Lazeena Umm Yusuf said...

Chances of them even staying together are slim in my opinion. He sleeps over her place sometimes, but pretty soon I'm sure he won't that often. Soon enough the piling diapers, the sleepless nights, and endless crying will not be worth the cute goos and playing dress up with the baby. This baby was no conceived with intention and who knows what their relationship was like before this baby was born. They'll get frustrated with the work it takes that they'll take it out on one another, most likely. They're too young to appreciate the beauty of life and parenthood subhanAllah.

Brandy, I totally agree with you that had they been more mature it might work. MashaAllah I know 14 year old Muslimahs who are engaged and more mature than some 30 year old sisters I know. But maturity in this society comes at such a later age, not only that, some people never hit it. So many people are 'afraid of commitment' and marriage rates have even dropped, there seems to be less value to a good family life.

When I take the time to think back to middle school and when I was 13, no doubt kids were doing these things, I had classmates who already had abortions and so on. What makes this situation stand out is the fact that they actually brought this child into the world, which is why I said there are thousands who've done the same thing but their story did not take this turn.

malekat_el7oriya said...

Omygod no way! I swear they all look like siblings! 13 years old?! what?!?!?! what has the world come to????????

Umm Uthman said...

Lazeena great commentary on this and here in the comment section. Its hard to believe and easy to accept at the same time. when I was in public school before I was Muslim, there was a Muslim girl whos parents did not want her in the sex ed classes. I can understand this and sympathize with it. But they never spoke to her about sex either. They should have mandatory exams in school about this stuff and people exempt from the classes in school should have the material given to their parents so their parents can teach her. THis girl eventually in her junior year of high school got ghonorrhea (sp?) from a boy and it was another muslim boy, how did he have this disease in the first place? ..exactly..

*~Ange~* said...

oh dear god.
when i read this in the news i just laughed and shook my head.

a baby with a baby.

its so wrong. i feel for these misguided children. what are their parents teaching them if a child of 13 (presumably 12 when the baby was conceived) is having sex as married adults do?

twiZted said...

I can't imagine them, you know, actually making the baby. I expected to see a prematurely grown big lug of a 13 year old instead here's this scrawny little kid who looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

I hope SHE realizes that she's just thrown her life away.

Nur said...

Yes, completely agree
i was shocked when i saw it in news
my face was like OMG
and i think how can be possible a kid raising a kid.
not good at all.
and poor baby, sounds very bad...
but he wont grow up in a nice family...(im not meaning bad ways of it... but its true he will be 13 and her dad 26 :S maybe they'll go out for parties together lol)
i hope they wont pass too bad things in future.

Nur said...

i forgot to say
that at least he is caring about the baby ( in his way... only how he can do )
a 18 or 20 years old guy probably were running away!

and she looks so older than him.
and this is the future of the wooorrrldd!

ellen557 said...

Oh my gosh. What is the world coming to? :( The only good thing about this is that the children have parents who seem willing to step in and provide for that baby girl. I wish those children would've been given a proper education - imagine what their daughter's life will be like :(:(:(

Candice said...

How sad that this would even happen! I suppose there's a bit of blame everywhere... (kids themselves, society and their parents) and I don't even know where the most goes. But that is disturbing anyway... He looks like a child. He IS a child!

iMuslimah said...


Assalamu alaykum,

Thanks for stopping my blog. I was going to post this tonight- as I was in SHOCK when I read this story this morning!

These kids are still CUTE, they are too young, what on earth were they thinking????

I think what is so sad, is that the father (at 13) seems quite genuine and smitten with his new baby. Very odd for a teenager.

Allah decreed that she would be born to these parents, so what next?

Very troubling indeed. Very troubling.

I pray for the maturity of these parents, and for the safety and well being of their daughter.

Im stunned.

Habayeb said...'d think she being 15 would have SOME sense atleast? the boy from no angle looks 14...really, no words.

Saleem said...

I think the fathers interest in the kid is like Lazeena said, it's a cute little baby. Reality will kick in shortly, it's not just about playing with the baby and finding cute clothes to dress it it, there is so much responsibility with a baby which will just result it total stress for a kid this age. Quite disappointing. The parents seem understanding but what real lesson is there here other than having the trouble of taking care of the kid?

Mona said...

I saw this yesterday too. That boy does look a lot younger than his age and I too wonder how the girl was attracted to a little kid like that. I hope they can make the best out of a big messy situation but they have a hard road ahead of them.

Aalia said...

Asalaamu `alaikum Lazy

OMG I first saw this story a couple of days back and I was like "eWwWwWw!!" The kid looks like he is 8 years old and his girlfriend is soo0oo bigger than him :/ :/ :/

Not an ideal situation!!

Faith Confusion said...

I don't think you could really blame the children's sex education for this. My first look would be at their family situations, as they must have lapsed in some way, I think. And is it just me or does the girl look far too comfortable burping the baby for a girl who has just given birth to her first child? This hints at the fact that she either has friends who have babies or has a young mum of her own who has recently had other children. And what is with the fact that she's 15 and looking a bit grownup while the boy is 13 and looks like he's 9?? I'd say it's more a trend in their specific family setting or neighbourhood that has enabled such a thing to happen. I can't imagine that any 13yr old boys would be getting left alone with a girlfriend in any circles I know of... I hope all the best for the baby though. When she's 15 her mum will be 30, which is what I always dreamed of when I was 15 and my mum was 50. At least they'll understand eachother better, lol.

M.J. said...

Wow, how horrifying! May Allah swt lead them to the right path, ameen.

Umm Salihah said...

Assalam-alaikam Sis,
I was mortified when I read this. It reminded me of a friend at school in whose home there was absolutely NO hayah or censorship when it came to sex, even around the kids. She was the only one of our group of friends who had sex when we were teenagers (including drunk and unprotected sex) - this was despite knowing everything about safe sex that sex ed teaches.

It made me wonder why this girl felt the need to sleep around (considering the numerous other boys who have come forward claiming paternity) - its suggest a lack of self-respect, self-worth and a need for attention and affection. I feel very sad for her and her child. I think this is why we need to be very affectionate and loving towards our children and teach them to share everything with us and take the time to listen to them.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe that these children have a baby.
A baby should be born to a married couple that really wants a child.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

This is what happens when you have misguided parents and schools trying to guide the children... It's not the childrens fault, everything around them is pushing for sex... What do people expect hormonal raging children to do when everything around them tells them to just follow their bodies urges? I'm an American Convert and I saw this happen in my town a few times. Apparently I'm not the only one according to what other sisters here have written.... (sorry one handed typing, having five of my own. LOL)Besides what hypocrites...
Boyfriend + Girlfriend = sex protected or not