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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Valentine's Day & Romance


So I'm trying to think of something nice to do on Valentines Day. I have no idea what to get for my husband or what we should really do. I want to make this year memorable. I wonder what he has planned for me? Hmm...

...Ok you guys know I'm kidding right? Me? Valentines Day? Pshhht! Puh-leeeease!!!

Aside from being un-Islamic... it's just totally LAME. I know some people get upset with me when I say this, but it really is. It's already known that it's such a commercial holiday. It really disappoints me that some sisters fall into this Valentine's Day trap. They're so flattered when their husbands show up with roses, teddy bears, and candy. They're over the moon if they wake up to breakfast in bed or a have nice evening out.

Don't get me wrong, these are all lovely things... but when it's happening on Valentines Day, it completely lacks originality! What's so incredible about your husband doing the same thing millions of other men are doing on the same exact day? There's nothing special in it at all. What's worse is that some brothers only do this on Valentines Day, birthdays, and anniversaries. How cliche. Then there are those sisters who turn sour when their husbands do nothing for them on V-Day.

Islam promotes romance in marriage, even through the smallest acts subhanAllah. Something as simple as eating food can be turned into a sweet and special moment between husband and wife as shown through the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad salAllahu alayhi wasallam. This should mean that we should frequently do sweet things for our loved one.

Wouldn't you prefer a dinner out, roses, a special gift - anything - on any random day? That's so much sweeter than getting something on an expected day because everyone else is. Spontaneity is the key to romance. I find it strange that there needs to be a certain day dedicated to love, or to celebrating a person's life, or doing something good for one's parents.

wAllahi there isn't a single day where my husband doesn't do something totally selfless or tries to do something nice for me, though I can't say the same for myself to him. And I pray that inshaAllah he doesn't stop one day =) It's these numerous, small moments that keeps marriages strong.

We don't need to 'follow' the non-Muslims and think that going along with their holiday and definition of romance will keep us happy or flatter our spouse. Our beloved Prophet (SAW) has left many examples within the sunnah of how we should treat each other and what we can do to win each others hearts. Flowers and gifts are nice, but alhamdulillah, he's reminded us of specific things that we can do everyday to leave an imprint in our spouses hearts, and let's not forget those.

He's reminded the woman that though she should guard her modesty outside of the home, to beautify herself inside the house. I know it's hard sometimes, we get comfortable looking frumpy. How many times do we pick our best outfits when we go to sisters only parties/events? We wear our nicest jewelry and clothes, we put on some makeup and we don't take the time to preen ourselves at home... for the men who go out to work and lower their gaze all day long, only to come home to a woman in her oversized, stained t-shirt, hair a mess, nasty eye crust, and stankin' breath! haha Of course we aren't expected to like supermodels 24/7, but I think we can all agree we could put some more effort into looking better at home.

Brother's aren't an exception. So many sisters tell me prior to marriage their husbands used to be very athletic and at the gym all the time, and then post-nikaah, it all ends and he bears his long, hidden pot belly. Brothers comb and perfume their beards when they're out, but when they're home there's lint and crumbs scattered in their beards haha.

Men helping around the house, doing things for themselves sometimes is even a treat to women. The Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam was known to mend his own clothing. Helping with meals here and there or cleaning up speaks volumes to a woman, more so than a bouquet or unoriginal Hallmark card.

I have a friend who's been married for a couple months, and once a week her husband brings home a beautiful flower for her... each time it's a new flower. She presses them in a book to keep them, isn't that adorable? He doesn't wait for just a 'special' event to come up, being married to a loving wife is special enough.

I can't even remember the last time I made breakfast for my husband, alhamdulillah he takes care of that himself. I'd take this over a dozen roses any day. Even though it may go unmentioned a d it's not something I can wear on my finger/wrist and show to my friends, it's a load off of me and I really am thankful that he's not the type to lounge around in his recliner, scratching his belly and bark breakfast orders - not that men who don't make their meals all do that =)

So before you go back into the old routine, or even start a new one, of making plans for V-Day, how about thinking of something special you can do with your loved one weekly... or monthly even. Get gifts for one another when you least expect it. Surprise your husband with his favorite meal out of the blue... be original. Think of something special between the two of you and make it more meaningful than some lousy V-Day plans. We don't need these foolish holidays to give gifts or be sweet! Aishah radiAllahu anha used to wash our beloved Prophet's hair when he was in 'itikaaf, and she would comb his hair... how many of us do that for one another?

Let's not be like the non-Muslim couples to toss their spouses to the backseat year-round and when a 'holiday' or 'anniversary' comes up we make a big deal about it. Let's learn to forgive each other and show our love by whatever means we can each and every day.

Candies will be eaten and flowers will wilt - maybe we will remember them, maybe we won't - but sweet moments spent together are memories that last a lifetime inshaAllah

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here, here! Couldn't have said it better myself Sr. Lazeena! People use stupid excuses like it's 1 day people all over can just be in a happy, lovey dovey mood but that is just so fake! We have to work more in showing our appreciation and devotion day in and day out. It's sickening that sisters fall for this stupid game, they don't even realize they're being played by the media.

KakChik said...

Salam Sis.

I agree with whatever you've said, 100%. This V-day thingy is really making some Malaysian ladies including Malay Muslims to be part of it. Shopping Malls everywhere are decorating, celebrating and promoting the V-day events. It looks like a second Christmas, only that there are more heart shapes that the stars.

Mehvish said...

I use to celebrate VDAY as well. I use to love my husband bringing me roses and everything, nice dinner, until one day he make the same plans in middle of the summer and I felt like a princess lol and I told him and ask him why he did this and he told me you should always feel like a princess because you my wife, it was so very sweet. Since then I realize we don't need this kuffar holiday and 1 time a month we leave my kids with my friend or in law and we go have a meal somewhere and maybe go to movie if anything halal is showing and just spend time together even in home cleaning and it is nice for us. My husband he bring us dinner sometime when I don't want to cook or feeling lazy lol and it make me feel really nice so yes I see how you mean Prophet tell us in sunnah so this things and it make marriage better for us all. MY husband like when I make lunch to take to work and I leave a chocolate for him he get so happy like a little boy lol. You have lovely blog sister I just start to read them after my cousin she make one and I am going around. I enjoy readin what you say I am agree with a lot. Please excuse my English I still learning grammer thank you sister.
Asalamulaikum

Mehvish said...

Yes and I remember when I'm visit Pakistan a lot of youth they get involve in this holiday too there in Muslim country, very bad. They giving gifts and dates and not even married because they are more open now to follow the West. It is destroying the young people there and new generation. I want to go back and live there with my family but I can't do because I'm scared my kids will try and follow. Even we are living here in America but still it is more easy to mold their mind in our way but in Pakistan it is different

Anonymous said...

omg just today my husband was getting mad at me cus he said i wear all his t's and he has nothing to wear. i think if i just wore a clean shirt he'd be so happy lmao! you're so right though, we really do get comfortable looking like a hot mess in front of them and they do deserve to see our hair tied back and a fresh look. i always look like i just came outta bed lmao. beautiful reminder, i will let my hubby know about the lint in his beard, omg it's true though lmao!

Mona said...

Great post and very true. I need to take better care of myself.

NiDa said...

After the first little paragraph you got me scared - I was like NOO this is not Lazeenaa!!! lol. Alhamdolillah you have said it all. I am not married yet, but inshaAllah when I am I expect every day to be Valentines day. These people find one day out of a whole year to respect their women, and Islam we should respect and love them every single day of the year!!!

MashaAllah - I am so happy for you, that you have such a blessed marriage and a wonderful husband who cares for you :)!!!

Umm Ismail said...

Ya Allah after My eyes Got big and were about to Pop. I calmed down as Continued to Read. Yes it is sad the This society needs days to show care and remember when Islam being a way of life is Daily and Love care, Romance, affection. is already instructed.
We should never be imitators of the Kufr, this will pull us far from Islam. Anyone one imitating the Kufr is not from this Ummah. Allahu allim Great Post!!

Ummismail

Candice said...

I totally agree with your post. I've never celebrated Valentines Day... it IS LAME. Everyone should make special times for their spouse not based on holidays, and that's a great thing to have in a marriage. Too bad it's not the norm. Men need to learn this... Unfortunately for me, my husband doesn't celebrate V-Day nor does he think it's important to be sweet year-round. lol.

Nur said...

Wa aleykum selam hermana :)
well... my english isnt good either but here we go :D
i felt happy when i saw ur comment.

yes..im Chilean (i live in chile too ) and i became muslim like 17 months ago, im very happy to be a muslimah.
Its always nice to see sisters arround the world
i dont know if u know but here the muslim community isnt big at all
so i like to know sisters in all countries
your blogs are very nice :)
tell me about you :)
i would like to know more
Cya soon sister
Allah bless you!

Haniyya said...

lol sis, u got me. i was like, has this sis lost her marbles? :P

anyway m sure its not wrong to enjoy the sales, to enjoy our own set special days with Dh.

Sonya said...

I love the VDAY candies, they're so cute. But thats the most en joyment I get from this holiday lolz. B?efore I was married I would fantacize about VDAY plans and everything but after marriage I saw there should be no need for that.

Sonya said...

Hey and some of those pics are 'Bakerellas' creations right? I love her creativity! Those roses on the cupcake are darling!

Aalia said...

Asalaamu `alaikum :-)

OMG when I was reading the first part I was like, "either she is only joking or has gone crazy" *rofl*

I totally agree with uu. It's sick to see little kiosks and stores selling VDay stuff and then people (especially the Khaleeji women) getting all excited. *eyes roll*

Um hello -- this started off as a disgusting pagan ritual where people would dress up in red body paint and sleep with anyone or anything!!

Definitely not a holiday a Muslim should be celebrating :/

Noshi said...

LOL at the first paragraph. Silly Lazeena. You're so right. It's so funny because I watch the pakistani news channel, and they're all hyping valentine's day and I see all these boys and girls trying to holler at each other. It's so funny to me. Astghfirullah. May Allah Ta'ala Guide them. It's actually really sad. It's a Muslim country, and it's even worse than the western countries. Astgfirullah.

Fathimah said...

Assalamu'alaykum sister Lazeena, I sent you mail on yahoo account. Hope you read it =)

JazakumAllahu khayran

al-Ghariba said...

I died when I read the first paragraph! Alhamdulillah I read teh rest of it. I have been spending the past few day beating down VDay spot fires - people mentioning they are doing something for VDay, then my inevitable and wajib nasiha to them that Vday is really a form of shirk. I became 'fun police'. Anyway, would rather we all had fun together in Jannah!
Enjoying your blog sister. and the title - is there food on my niqab made me LAUGH. How many times have I asked that!

Your Sister
al-Ghariba

*~Ange~* said...

agree!
random romance is so much better than the run of the mill "i have to do it" romance ordered by valentine's day.

Umm Salihah said...

Assalam-alaikam,
I did a double-take when I started reading this, but I agree. It starts to look a little tacky when you look at it from the outside.

Anonymous said...

SubhanaAllah I have to say that I was very shocked at what you wrote and was thinking,what kind of Muslims are those???well it sadens me to think that in Muslim countries some of our people are even thinking to celebrate those nonsense pagan rituals, ya'ni is there anything they don't copy from the kuffars???they seriously need a dose of Islamic education.....