Valentine's Day & Romance

So I'm trying to think of something nice to do on Valentines Day. I have no idea what to get for my husband or what we should really do. I want to make this year memorable. I wonder what he has planned for me? Hmm...

...Ok you guys know I'm kidding right? Me? Valentines Day? Pshhht! Puh-leeeease!!!

Aside from being un-Islamic... it's just totally LAME. I know some people get upset with me when I say this, but it really is. It's already known that it's such a commercial holiday. It really disappoints me that some sisters fall into this Valentine's Day trap. They're so flattered when their husbands show up with roses, teddy bears, and candy. They're over the moon if they wake up to breakfast in bed or a have nice evening out.

Don't get me wrong, these are all lovely things... but when it's happening on Valentines Day, it completely lacks originality! What's so incredible about your husband doing the same thing millions of other men are doing on the same exact day? There's nothing special in it at all. What's worse is that some brothers only do this on Valentines Day, birthdays, and anniversaries. How cliche. Then there are those sisters who turn sour when their husbands do nothing for them on V-Day.

Islam promotes romance in marriage, even through the smallest acts subhanAllah. Something as simple as eating food can be turned into a sweet and special moment between husband and wife as shown through the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad salAllahu alayhi wasallam. This should mean that we should frequently do sweet things for our loved one.

Wouldn't you prefer a dinner out, roses, a special gift - anything - on any random day? That's so much sweeter than getting something on an expected day because everyone else is. Spontaneity is the key to romance. I find it strange that there needs to be a certain day dedicated to love, or to celebrating a person's life, or doing something good for one's parents.

wAllahi there isn't a single day where my husband doesn't do something totally selfless or tries to do something nice for me, though I can't say the same for myself to him. And I pray that inshaAllah he doesn't stop one day =) It's these numerous, small moments that keeps marriages strong.

We don't need to 'follow' the non-Muslims and think that going along with their holiday and definition of romance will keep us happy or flatter our spouse. Our beloved Prophet (SAW) has left many examples within the sunnah of how we should treat each other and what we can do to win each others hearts. Flowers and gifts are nice, but alhamdulillah, he's reminded us of specific things that we can do everyday to leave an imprint in our spouses hearts, and let's not forget those.

He's reminded the woman that though she should guard her modesty outside of the home, to beautify herself inside the house. I know it's hard sometimes, we get comfortable looking frumpy. How many times do we pick our best outfits when we go to sisters only parties/events? We wear our nicest jewelry and clothes, we put on some makeup and we don't take the time to preen ourselves at home... for the men who go out to work and lower their gaze all day long, only to come home to a woman in her oversized, stained t-shirt, hair a mess, nasty eye crust, and stankin' breath! haha Of course we aren't expected to like supermodels 24/7, but I think we can all agree we could put some more effort into looking better at home.

Brother's aren't an exception. So many sisters tell me prior to marriage their husbands used to be very athletic and at the gym all the time, and then post-nikaah, it all ends and he bears his long, hidden pot belly. Brothers comb and perfume their beards when they're out, but when they're home there's lint and crumbs scattered in their beards haha.

Men helping around the house, doing things for themselves sometimes is even a treat to women. The Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam was known to mend his own clothing. Helping with meals here and there or cleaning up speaks volumes to a woman, more so than a bouquet or unoriginal Hallmark card.

I have a friend who's been married for a couple months, and once a week her husband brings home a beautiful flower for her... each time it's a new flower. She presses them in a book to keep them, isn't that adorable? He doesn't wait for just a 'special' event to come up, being married to a loving wife is special enough.

I can't even remember the last time I made breakfast for my husband, alhamdulillah he takes care of that himself. I'd take this over a dozen roses any day. Even though it may go unmentioned a d it's not something I can wear on my finger/wrist and show to my friends, it's a load off of me and I really am thankful that he's not the type to lounge around in his recliner, scratching his belly and bark breakfast orders - not that men who don't make their meals all do that =)

So before you go back into the old routine, or even start a new one, of making plans for V-Day, how about thinking of something special you can do with your loved one weekly... or monthly even. Get gifts for one another when you least expect it. Surprise your husband with his favorite meal out of the blue... be original. Think of something special between the two of you and make it more meaningful than some lousy V-Day plans. We don't need these foolish holidays to give gifts or be sweet! Aishah radiAllahu anha used to wash our beloved Prophet's hair when he was in 'itikaaf, and she would comb his hair... how many of us do that for one another?

Let's not be like the non-Muslim couples to toss their spouses to the backseat year-round and when a 'holiday' or 'anniversary' comes up we make a big deal about it. Let's learn to forgive each other and show our love by whatever means we can each and every day.

Candies will be eaten and flowers will wilt - maybe we will remember them, maybe we won't - but sweet moments spent together are memories that last a lifetime inshaAllah